Twirling Spaghetti Fork
What, do we live in ancient Egypt? It’s the 21st century! We shouldn’t have to spin our own pasta any more. Thankfully now we don’t. This fork will take the strain out of your thumb and index finger and give you the perfect bite every time. Short of putting your spaghetti in a blender and eating it through a straw this is the easiest way to chow down on your favorite carbs.
This really is a fun way for your kids not to throw pasta on the ceiling. They will be so entranced by this fun little gadget that they won’t even remember to redecorate the walls with marinara. Plus now that you have a Never Ending Pasta Pass from the Olive Garden you’ll need all the extra wrist strength you can muster in order to try and put them out of business. We suggest you go for the Alfredo. It’s pure cheese. Cheese is expensive and delicious.
In a world where simple problem-solving tasks are no longer a monkey on your back and the drudgery of exercising basic motor skills is gone forever, the early onset of carpal tunnel syndrome from eating pasta becomes a thing of the past. Hog wild is building a monorail to this brave new world of uncomplicated living and this product is your ticket to ride.
The Hog Wild Twirling Spaghetti Fork is an evolutionary game-changer. This tool and others like it stand ready to help pound another nail in the coffin lid of human development. You can’t actually pound nails with this product, for that you’d probably need the Hog Wild Motorized Self-Pounding Hammer, but I digress. Also, tools that can used to build useful items or other tools are being discouraged. The sparkle of this particular gem is its unspoken promise to identify homo sapiens as a species readily purged from its native planet and to broadcast that designation to any hostile alien intelligence looking for a new home.
But you wouldn’t know that just by looking at it. This cheaply-made, superfluous plastic widget, with which those lacking sufficient skills to spin a fork may at last guide some few lonely strands of pasta to their pie hole, calls to mind a haiku written by one of my former 7th grade classmates:
Too much spaghetti
Can’t turn this d*mn fork no more
Give me a break *klink!*
Well said. But we musn’t throw down our utensils in desperation, except for the ones that aren’t yet battery-operated. If you or your loved one remain unable to maneuver pasta onto a fork due to gross incompetence, or you’re OCD and must count successive revolutions of your utensil in decreasing multiples of 7 every 7 seconds, a requirement which adds 343 minutes to the grueling spectacle of your spaghetti dinner, this product is a real time-saver.
On the other hand you may just be a healthy adult human who has better things to do than waste time with tools readily mastered by kindergartners. You are a special person deserving of your own twirling, battery-powered utensil and will probably find new ways to use this tool. If not, it’s certain that other uses will be suggested to you. By no means should you consider yourself to be low-hanging fruit in the event of a human uprising or alien invasion.